Unresolved Issues


   A person who looks perfectly fine but is always going through some pain or the other in the body / may be dealing with health issues could be the one who has many unresolved issues / inner conflict. When we have an argument with someone; we argue, give reasons for our justification and resolve the matter. This happens with issues at the workplace or among friends. A human is capable enough to resolve the issues others than with the family. The reason for this is that every human is so much burdened with the pressures and expectations of the family. A woman once narrated a childhood incident of how her puppy died because of her. Her parents made her apologize to everyone in the family by writing an apology. She was just a child and barely 10 years. Her parents had asked her to take care of their pet as they were away. The girl herself had never got used to being with the puppy as it was barely fifteen days of buying the puppy as a pet. The girl was in her room doing her homework and the puppy managed to get out of the main gate. The child after finishing her homework goes to check on the puppy; but doesn't find him anywhere. It is only when her parents return home and scold her as they found the puppy dead outside the gate after being hit by a truck. They give her labels like - bad, irresponsible and selfish. Throughout her life she has live with the burden of this baggage even though she was not at fault. Here the parents had to be responsible and sane to understand that handing over the custody of a pet who has just entered your life before fifteen days was not the job of a 10 year child.
   Throughout her life the little girl carried these tags even though she was not genuinely responsible. This burden on her psyche gave her many chronic issues. For more than 30 years she lived with the burden of being the person who was responsible for the death of the pet. It was only when such an incident took place in her neighborhood that she could understand that she was unnecessarily blaming herself for the death of her puppy. While narrating this incident to the small child she felt relieved of the burden and shame which she carried throughout her life. Reliving those moments helped her get rid of the pain and trauma the incident created in her life. She could now explain to the child to see a bigger picture rather than the one being shown by others. 
   This could be the situation in everyone's life as most of us live with unresolved issues and conflicts. The wreckage these issues have on our psyche, our health and our relations with others is horrendous. Unresolved stuff that is bottled up within you can leave you with chronic pain and diseases. It can make you bitter, frustrated, overwhelmed, panic, fearful, hopeless and depressed for ever. One never ever realizes all this unless and until the damage has caused serous damage to the body and mind. I have seen people sinking into silence, withdrawing from the world, blaming themselves for everything that happens, and most importantly not living a life that is given to us by Lord, the Almighty. A close friend of mine had a very traumatic childhood where in he suffered from deprivations, physical and mental abuse. He still holds bitterness in his heart towards himself and others. He has lost faith in love and emotions. He has just bottled himself up in his past and is full of resentment. Many live such a life where they feel bottled up with their pain, anguish and helplessness.
   No one has a easy life; nor is everyone happy all the time. Life has its own theory of giving us ups and downs. It doesn't mean that we are bad / we deserve this / we are doomed to live this way. There are solutions for everything if you genuinely want to save yourself from the trauma of these unresolved issues. The golden rule is never go to bed without solving that matter / problem which gives you pain, makes you angry or increases the distance between two parties - brother-sister, mother-father, husband-wife or any relationship. Once you start piling yourself with such issues the level of anger, frustration, victimization, helplessness can reach a height from where you no longer care for the other party. Once you reach this danger level you will no longer care for the relationship nor will you be willing to compromise. Discuss whatever you feel with the person with whom you have an issue. Communicate to save the relation rather than harboring grudges and making a mountain out of a molehill. Sometimes things are so tiny but our devilish mind can make it enormous and keep on hurting us.
   Learn to communicate wisely with the right kind of words that makes the person pay heed to whatever you say. Try to save the relation and yourself by talking to the person. Do not give silent treatment to the person. Try to understand his / her position by stepping into his / her shoes. Be genuine and reasonable when you whine about your complaints towards the person. Above all, do not ever keep your issues unresolved as they will never allow you sleep in peace. In case you sleep that night the next morning when you wake up you will be full of resentment and anger towards that person with whom you have issues. I have seen many persons who live their whole life with unresolved stuff and have been a witness to the enormous damage it has brought in their life, in their health - physically and mentally. Solving the unresolved can bring you inner peace and make you look at life with a multidimensional angle. Help yourself in order to be happy by reflecting within and make necessary changes.


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