A Broader Vision

   Do we ever give a benefit of doubt to our inner circle, i.e. our nearest and dearest ones?  Whenever we converse with our family -  parent / spouse / child / sibling / bestie we often operate through the vision of our preconceived notions and the earlier experiences we have had with them. Everyone feels that we know our near ones very well and this thinking of ours does not allow us to keep our heart and mind open to them during conversations. This ideas that are fixated govern our present interaction and the trajectory of our future relationship with them.
   Children and animals are blessed with the power to forget easily. But an adult - a dangerous and horrifying species on the planet has the power and capacity to carry the knowledge of an earlier negative experience in the heart, mind and eyes; thus influencing all interactions by looking for a hidden agenda. Due to this there is barely any harmony left in the interactions with our inner circle. The adage 'Fake it until you make it' backfires when we use it with our inner circle in the family  or at the work place. Based on the study conducted by a researcher at the University of Arizona - 'making an effort to actually feel the emotions is more productive'. According to a study by Allison Gabriel, Eller College of Management, our emotions are regulated at two levels: deep acting and surface acting.
   Deep acting is when you make efforts to change how you feel inside. In this you are consciously making efforts to align how you feel with the person and how you interact with people. Surface acting is faking what you display to those around you. Here, how so ever upset / frustrated you are but on the outside you make your efforts to appear pleasant / positive. Where we need to act deeply; we have begun to act on a surface level. We all have a Don Quixote within us who has imagined enemies whom we strike without thinking how our reactions, negativity and bad behavior will affect the other person. Instead we must welcome every new relation like a blank slate by discarding the previous experiences / notions that we had with other people. No two experiences are the same. So if we remain fixed with this mindset to someone who is very close to us; it is obviously going to impact our future deliberations with that persons. Things will worsen and you will be dejected and lost.
   It is very necessary for every person to accept the present interaction with any person by being open with mind and heart. It is better to voice and air doubts rather than harboring grudges at the back of your mind. Listen to understand - not to react / respond. Stop overthinking; let go off the baggage of your past. Trust a person wholeheartedly without succumbing to the paranoia of trying to unearth multiple meanings to everything that is said and done. Your efforts to think positively and lovingly of your nearest and dearest person by broadening your horizon towards him / her will definitely lead you to the desired result. 


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