The Loss Of A Loved One

 The pandemic phase that has escalated its reign on the planet has proved fatal for many families who have lost their near and dear ones (father / mother / husband / wife / child / brother / sister / friends / any relatives.The ones who succumbed to this virus and the ones who were tending to them are in a horrendous state of mind. The incident of the death of a loved one causes great upheaval and the person goes through an emotional crisis where he / she experiences bereavement. Apart from this there are various emotions that go on within those who are grieving for their loved ones. Emotions like shock, confusion, sadness, denial. yearning, disbelief, guilt, anger, humiliation and despair are experienced by them. These emotions are experienced even in cases when a death is expected.

These emotions are natural as death of a loved one makes us numb and shocked. They may be experienced by all in varying intensity. Even the mental stability of a person could get affected by the loss because coping with the death of a loved one is an arduous situation where one feels overwhelmed with a flood of thoughts and emotions. The phase where one mourns and grieves could go on for long. Your grieving is an outward expression where in you may grieve physically by crying, some may go into depression which is a psychological grieving. People who grieve may express it physically / psychologically but the important part is that one expresses something. We human have always avoided / neglected / denied the subject of death. There are people who cannot separate themselves from this grief and pain; yet the bitter truth is that you cannot persistently grieve over your loss as it may leave you with some physical / psychological disease. 

Physical symptoms include a loss of appetite, upset stomach and intestines, sleep irregularity and lack of energy. Psychological symptoms could be anxiety, fatigue, chronic depression and suicidal tendency. Everything that one does is influenced by the circumstances in which the death occurred - natural / accidental / expected / unexpected and what type of bonding / relation you shared with the deceased. When a family loses a child they feel a loss of identity, and injustice. With the gone child many dreams, desires and plans go unfulfilled and haunt them a lifetime. When a spouse is lost - if its a husband, there is a financial crisis. The wife has to undergo a hell lot of miseries in raising her children and in doing that she loses herself completely. If an elderly person loses a spouse there is a sense of loneliness that is experienced by the person and all the memories that have been shared throughout the life seem like losing a lifetime of all shared experiences. 

The ones who are grieving need to understand that death is as real as birth and everyone has to die one or the other day. Their grief is natural yet they need to cope with it. They can seek people who are genuinely caring and empathetic towards them and talk to them via video call / meeting in person. .Now a days there are support groups that are available to assist you in this. Be expressive; tell others around you how you feel. Losing a loved should not make you inexpressive. If you are inexpressive then you may suffer from many psychological issues. Do not dwell in the past. What happened was tragic but life has to go on. A stagnant life will do you no good. Avoid hasty decisions like getting remarried  moving in with your parents or staying separate from your in laws. Remember that you alone are not the only person to lose a loved ones. Give everyone time to adjust with the loss - your in laws / parents / children / relatives.Time is the best healer and patience is the key during this testing time. If at all you feel that there is no one whom you can go to and vent out what you are going through; seek help of psychologists / people who run support groups to help you to cope up with the loss of loved one.

Be gentle on yourself as there is no deadline to stop grieving. Develop a habit of reading to keep your mind occupied. Go for warm baths and plan your 'me time' without being guilty. Loss of a loved one does not stop you from living your life so do not be guilty if at all you indulge in things like  a warm bath /  massage / anything you love. Pray fervently. Do yoga; it will relieve you of the stress and burden you feel. Apart from these do things that you loved / love. The person who left you would never want to see you drudging on with life by turning yourself into a weak and vulnerable person. If nothing works it is high time that you seek a counselor. Live in the present and try to make life more meaningful, take care of yourself and of the family that is alive with you and remember THIS TOO SHALL PASS.


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