Sink into Oblivion

 Sometimes the mind doesn't want to do anything. It just wants to be. Be in the present moment, be alive in it and relish the moment. At times I want to sink into oblivion. I do not want to engage in any commitments / assignments / relations / anything. The mind is deeply disturbed due to the circumstances that prevail. I see no direction and feel powerless. 

There are many advices gives to me of what I should do and how I should go about with the situation. I am told to accept. Even though acceptance comes easily to me; the bitter fact that acceptance is not going to alter the situation makes me dwell more upon it. This leads to a chaotic mind filled with self doubt, negativity and incapability to think clearly. Many thoughts come and go but none pacifies me. 

 It is said that when the going gets tough the tough get going. Yet, here I am unable to cope up with the stress and think clearly. Contradicting the decision of the Almighty became a favorite sport until I realized the great loss it brought upon me. No peace, no time for anything and a chaos within me. Unable to ever make up for what I did; I want to sink into oblivion. Being awake makes me depressed and powerless. I no longer enjoy the task I am master at. I feel shattered and languished. The year has been traumatic and continues to be worse.

I feel I will go insane if I continue. I have succumbed to the situation losing all hope. Is this what I was passionate about? Is this what makes me happy? Is it what I am made for? Am I destined to perish this way? No answers to the questions that arise. No time for the things I yearn for. The day seems to fly despite managing everything and falling short of hours. I am called a super woman but I doubt myself now. Is the system wrong or am I wrong? If this is what it is to be then I better sink into oblivion.


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